Saturday, June 23, 2007
Summer is upon us and I have yet to really be able to enjoy it fully. I've had times here and there but in between bouts of summer school my breaks are just that... time to rest. Next week I have my final summer school stint of classes and then I'll be able to rest for approximately 2 weeks before my internship begins.
My last summer school session was at the school's summer camp. I must admit it was a refreshing way to take summer courses. Within that week I took two 1-credit hour courses. In addition to school I added more points to my adventure scale! I kayaked and rode a hourse!!! First of all, kayaking is SO MUCH FUN!!! If I knew how to swim I'd definitely do MUCH more of that! My professor and another friend completely upped my comfort level. I also canoed (that hurt my little arms so much but if I keep that up I'll be buff ). I needed a new experience of a pleasant horsebike ride and Sebu (the horse) definitely gave me that! However...
...more than that was my reflective time I had. We arrived on Saturday, Sunday Morning during our service time we watched a video on 'Listening Prayer.' I had plenty of time over the course of the week to steal away and reflect, read God's word, and admire his awesome creations all around me (all except the bugs )... I negelected to get a picture of me (as instructed) laying in a hammock... It was so peaceful.... but so was sitting by the lake... and taking a quick nap in the lodge looking room. I noticed how hard it was for me to just... be. I couldn't use my phone, and that only bothered me on my way to and from somewhere (normally that is when I call people).
The first couple of days I was comfortable being still... but after that I became restless. I had a God encounter and I think in some ways I began running from His voice... I wasn't so interested in being around people as much as I was just running from my reflection time... It seems that I keep running from it. I don't really know why... I keep asking myself why and God too... In any case during that first set aside reflection time where I set aside time to be still God spoke to me through His word and as excited as I was about it... it also scared me... obviously it scared me because I've been avoiding Him on some level ever since... Sure, I'll walk and talk with Him... but sitting down and being still, awaiting His voice... it's as if I'm afraid of what He has to say to me... maybe I'm expecting Him to say I've disappointed Him... maybe I'm expecting him to tell me I'm destined to a life of singlehood... I don't really know... Maybe I need to stop running and instead of attempting to read God's mind... allow Him to tell me what's on His mind.
Does that sound like any of you? Are you a sure fire child of God and yet you're running... from what you don't even know? Take it from me... it's real tiring. If this sounds like you, join me in stopping. Stopping and standing still so that I can hear what my loving Father has to say to me... Don't allow your fears of disappointment or failure (over no one big thing either - just not doing all that you know you can/have/should/ or even could) to stop you from listening to Daddy. Talking to Him is great but stop, we need to hear everything that He has to say.
Transparently lovin' ya lots