The Payoff...

You know, they say you appreciate something more the harder you work for it... so I am grateful that through the blood, sweat and tears there was a payoff... recognition that they also saw my hardwork... Sometimes we may think that we are working hard but in all actuality we're not... we may think that we are living up to our full potential, but we're not... but this semester I worked hard... Emotionally, mentally, and physically... it was a tough semester - (sidebar: doesn't it seem like the word should be spelled "tuff" LOL! ;) ) Anyway... back to the payoff, I am happy to report to my loyal readers that I received my grades. I earned 4 A's and 1 A- ... now... I do want to argue about the A- but obviously the professor felt that I earned the "-" and truly I'm okay with that... I put in A effort and knowing that I did my best I'm satisfied.

Looking back I came to a realization... they really pushed us this semester... opened up old wounds and created new ones... they pushed us mentally... they exposed us to the depths of who we are, who God created us to be... how we were shaped, formed, and influenced... Family patterns, personality style, coping mechanisms, etc... you name it, we discovered and uncovered it. You know, I was skeptical when they said that a person can only accept so much feedback before it becomes overwhelming. I didn't believe them... well they made a believer out of me! So, anyway, the realization... I was thinking last week on how hard they pushed us, how they ripped us open and while we were in the midst (some of us) of information overload and thinking we were near mental breakdown... they never let up on the academic side... we had clients and all... all I could think was they worked us that hard in an overwhelmed state and they kept piling it on and expecting more... But last week it dawned on me, what a better way to prepare me for the real world! In real life when I'm practicing my life won't always be easy, things won't always be going well and certainly times will come when I'm feeling overwhelmed and I must continue... continue to function and help my clients through their hard times... I need to stay focused on the tasks at hand and deal with my issues seperately... so this past semester was a wake up call of sorts... because in the midst of client reports and academics, I had to deal with that and myself... and while dealing with my clients they were who I was focused on... but afterwards I had to take time for me... I had to at times reach out and seek support as help for me... being a helper generally you're not the person seeking help... but that was a lesson that I have learned... that it is okay to be strong and help others... that I am no less strong if I too seek help. A house is supported by a foundation and without that foundational support the house, though strong, would fall or sink...

So my nugget of wisdom that I am passing on to you all... Don't be afraid to ask for help, don't be embarrassed, find someone who is qualified to help you. Sometimes you need more than aunt Sally... sometimes you need a professional, and that is okay... that is why they are there. Jesus was called counselor... we, as the body of Christ, at times neglect ourselves in the name of "being spiritual" Jesus was our example... and He has called me, along with so many others, to go forth and be counselors... So no, this is not a "public service announcement" this is simple education... there are things that happen in our lives where we need help and we would be better helped by a trained professional... it makes it easier... I've been the other route and yes the pain that I suffered taught me something and helped make me into who I am... but some of the things I did... I could have been me without it... I, trying to fix myself, caused myself unnecessary heartache... learn from me. The route I took comes with hard defenses... that's what keeps you standing but it's not necessary to walk around/through life with them intact all day everyday...

I thank GOD for the semester that I just MADE IT through... it taught me about me... and those are hard lessons to learn... we pray "Lord turn the mirror on me" but how many of us actually stand there in look in the mirror past the first glance. Honestly, I am grateful that I surrounded by a team of Godly counselors, that were there for me... I believe it made all the difference... What will be your payoff if/when you have someone walk you to the mirror and stand there with you and support you in what you see? ... Don't be discouraged or afraid... it's not all bad... but there is bad there. It's easier or safer (for us, so we think)... to focus on the good in us and the "little" bad things... but we can be better people if we are also aware of the "really" bad because we can better control it or remove it...

I hadn't typed anything deep or long in such a while that I figured I'd lay it out there... exactly what I'm feeling and where I'm at at the moment.

'Til next time...