and God said...

So today we began classes and in our first class of the day is one where we learn in depth more about a certain type of counseling. So in the beginning of this class we discuss theory and theology and in the 2nd half we role-play. Today we role played with the professor being the therapist what an initial counseling session looks like. I volunteered to be the 1st patient. I've never ever been to therapy though I've had reason in my life to go. The professor told me to come up with something real (class is consistently with the same people with the same confidentiality understandings) as to better relate and help us. The professor, who I'll refer to as Dr.Z, stated that we will do a lot of self-evaluation and this will be a year that is all about us.. going very deep within and getting to our core... who we are, what we believe, tearing away layers of issues that we may not even be aware are there... so here I am... in front of the class sitting next to Dr.Z and trying to come up with something that I feel comfortable discussing right away... Good thing I'm not shy.. I jumped right on in... I brought up my being able to put people on a shelf after having been hurt by them... and we explored that a bit... some things at this point I'm not even sure I'm comfortable sharing simply because (a)I don't want to hurt anyone (b) expose anyone, (c) have anyone feel that "she's talking about me" when I very well could not be. Also, we're going to get real personal so outside of me sharing I guess my feelings... I have to see how comfortable I am sharing that... time will tell... I will say this, in a short 15 minutes in class... in the example and the gentle, careful, trained direction of Dr.Z she already has me considering a bigger question. Question being am I really strong or am I avoiding in areas... I seriously have to consider this. If you do know me you may or may not know that I have dealt with and yes I will say dealt with some very hard things and I have found ways to deal with them. Some by simply "putting it on the shelf" as I call it which could be avoidance... I have to think about that... or actual strength to protect myself when I feel it necessary or both depending on the situation... I'm very interested in pursuing that further. Dr.Z and my cohort partners were very proud of me for being so "brave" as they put it... but my thought is... if I'm going to get wet I may as well dive in, and I did. However, I won't discount the fact (and neither will they) that the Holy Spirit has helped me process and get through some things. Dr.Z told that class that I have previously already done good work... implying in some way that I had worked on myself. I've never been to counseling but I know without a shadow of a doubt that some things I took directly to God because I couldn't handle them and He helped me. We are given free therapy (individual) at school I may go... one of my colleagues told me that she thinks I should go if for no other reason than to understand what our clients will feel like... I thought that was a good idea when she said it... so I'll see. Till next time... I have a very busy weekend ahead... I probably won't post before next week after this one.